not human

i always thought so.
i know for sure i once was.
but not now.
not anymore.
its always amusing to see how people define someone.
and today i was told.
someone finally had the balls to tell me.

--

there used to be a time where i would consider the things i did as experiencing life, but now, knowing the things i do, i know it was all lies.
ive wasted so much.
ive done so many wrongs.
i guess thats why im like this.
whats the point.
i guess people get what they deserve.

....

numb
red
dark red
slowly spilling
envy for the departed

distraction? pastime?

'an entertainment that provokes pleased interest and distracts you from worries and vexations.'

'a diversion that occupies one's time and thoughts.'

whats the difference.
both could be said about life.
life, the ultimate distraction, the ultimate pastime.
all, just to take peoples mind off the things that are really important.
how embaressing.

*

can'T be done
becoming less and less
a beTTer choice
no Turning back now

if only

'

• Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight; Just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in.

• Should you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

• Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for the last three months.

• Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

• Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, for 15.00 to feed her family.

• Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

• Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

• Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking “What Is My Purpose”; Be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.

• Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!

steps

1. Problem
2. Trying to find a solution
3. Facing the reality that there is no solution
4. Self loathing for being usless
5. More hatred
6. Death