cocoon

understanding

poem...dream? nightmare?

I could say a million words, but you won’t hear,
I could write a million poems, but you won’t read,
I could draw you a million times, but you won’t look,
I could fall in love with you a million times, but you won’t fall for me,
not once,
if only you listened to 1 word, read 1 poem, saw 1 drawing then maybe…maybe you’d be mine…

3

people hear, but they dont listen.
people look, but they dont see.
people speak, but they dont talk.

~~

everyone is living an illusion, people have to start seeing things for how they are, not how they want to see things, the moment they start accepting things for how the really are, is the moment u start living in the reality. thats how u can tell when someones living a lie, theyre happy.

top 10

How sad to see a father with money and no joy.
The man studied economics, but never studied happiness.
-Jim Rohn

im fkd

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being.
His heart withers if it does not answer another heart.
His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.
- Pearl S. Buck

take me, sweet sweet darkness

'Drugs fuck u up, alcohol fucks you up, ciggarettes fuck you up, but nothing is as more damaging as reality.' -EPA

Buddha

Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.

All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else.

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes.

Can you hear me man?

Kurt, you were so right.

I give up

lol

- everything is just words
- teens, the majority, have the most simplest reasons
- love is no longer a factor
- knowing them is no longer a factor
- knowing who they truly are doesnt ever happen
- guys have come up with a word to degrade girls for doing the same shit they do
- guys who pursue before getting to know are players
- its always the guys fault
- its become a game
- guys always thinks he has the girl wrapped around his fingers

Shakespeare

'Things without remedy, should be without regard;what is done, is done'

'we are born to die'

'i hold the world as the world, Gratiano; a stagewhere every man must play a part, and mine is a sad one.'

'and oftentimes excusing of a fault doth make the fault the worse by the excuse'

'wisely, and slow. they stumble that run fast'

'pleasure and action make the hours seem short'

'say as u think and speak from your soul'

'some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall'

'such as we are made of, such we be'

'it is neither good or bad, but thinking makes it so'

slowly spilling life

pierced surface
life seeps out
metal makes it ruby
alluring
pain
glorious darkness

fvkmh

left, nothing
right, nothing

down,
look around,
nobody there.

fear

fear: an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger.

theres 1 thing i truly fear
odd
its not losing things
nothing physical

but an emotion....
wtf! =S

tell

care..
listen..
understand..
when it comes down to it,
when everythings done,
theres noone...

mirror

dead...
hollow...

.............

patiance running thin...
on the edge.....

reasons...

not to:
1 promise
2 god
3 cookies
4 alcohol

to:
1 nightmares
2 pain
3 suffering
4 depression
5 hurt
6 dissapointments
7 hopelessness
8 same result
9 unacknowledged
10 unknown
11 twisted
12 broken
13 effort
14 bad
15 deserving
16 hollow
18 heartless
19 guilt
20 useless
21 mistakes

!@#$%^&*()

fucking hell

a death, ive gotten used to....ive had to

on the other hand..
an untimely death, fuck

why the fuck doesnt it just happen to me
fucking hell

1 cut...
1 pill...
1 bullet...

is all it takes....

unfortunatly...that fucking promise...

fucking smart...

drzlbjzdlzjhb skldjgzlodjnbxlifcjz;dLGBK fuck!

guilt....im sorry

'If I try to say anything, I'll only break this beautiful sculpture I've created so carefully.

Look, isn't she just fine, just great, so perfect?

Isn't she?'

-by the most incredible person I know

I'm sorry

I've done something horrible, the guilt I feel is....excruciating.....they say its not my fault....why would they say that...
they might view it as nothing huge, that...it's something that theyve experienced, they say it happens often, that I should forget it. but thats not going to help me....I'm sorry

I get the feeling that theyre getting more and more vulnerable as time passes, I could be wrong, time has taught me that things dont get easy, things get more difficult. so difficult to the point where your going to crack, break and just topple over. And yet that didnt stop me...I'm sorry

I wish I could change the world to better place, change it to heaven, because I know they would hate it if I sheltered them, protected them, even asking them to let me shoulder some of the weight on there shoulders. so makes sense to take the bad things away...I imagine heaven to a place where theres not a sign of anything bad.
but then again that would mean undeserving fucks like me would there, odd how things dont make sense...I'm sorry

but I cant change the world, or shelter them from the bad things, and it kills me inside, knowing, that I've done the opposite. I never wanted to...but....im just so fucked up, so fucking stupid....Im sorry

no matter what I try and do, I seem to always be so fucking selfish, fucking hell.
they told me what had been happening lately, and yet, I put myself before them, fuck.
what gets to me the most, is that during that time, it didnt occur to me until it was too late, not for one moment did I consider them, I just thought about myself and what I wanted.
I guess in the end im just another horrible human being. another selfish fucking human being....I'm sorry

odd, I've never regretting anything in my life, everything ive been through, everything ive done, ive considered it as 'i deserved it' , 'a life experience' , but this.....why do i regret it so much...I think about everything ive done, and I wouldnt change any of it, life is life, but if i were to go back in time and change 1 thing I had control over, this would be it....I'm sorry

they say theres nothing to be forgiven for. i think there is. i think god will forgive me, but i...i cant ever forgive myself. theres not enough times i can say 'im sorry' to convey how sorry i am...but i'll try anyway...I'm so sorry.

time =S

is time important?
does time truly exist?
ive heard that time is only relative.
ive heard that the stars are a window through time.

the concept of time wouldnt exist unless there was truth behind it.

time, in general doesnt matter, only everyones individual time. because in the end:
when u waste time, u waste your time
when u spend time, u spend your time
and if someone wastes your time, then its your fault for letting them waste it.

scattered thoughts...

p

sometimes, even if the mind tries, the body cannot forget what was, its a very curious feeling in the perspective of ....scientific mind, but in the perspective of the person feeling these...emotions, its very difficult to deal with, very frustrating.
even after so much time has passed, its still them...how bizzare.

sad eyes

seems everywhere i go there are sad eyes, wherever i turn, wherever i look...
sad eyes seem to follow me, no matter what i try to do...
theres no escape from the truth, no hiding...

lovey dovey crap

'Why is it that we torture ourselves with love? We hope and wish for that special someone for so long, and it hurts so much to see them love someone else. When we finally get the person of our dreams, they leave sooner or later, gone from your life like a feather floating away in the wind, never to be seen again. We cry endlessly for many nights, remembering their smiles, their kind words, their warm embrace. You can't help but feel joy when you think of their sweet kisses or that special feeling you get whenever you see them. You dream of them and wake up smiling, until you realize it was only a dream and the closest thing you have to that person are the memories and times you shared, that made it all worthwhile. I guess that's why we torture ourselves with love.' -Lisa Gilbert

never ending cycle

darkness,
blinding light.
struggling,
needless effort.
life consuming,
time wasting.
darkness.

S=

'dusk is just an illusion, becuase the sun is either above the horizon or below it.
this means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time.
i wonder....how it feels to be always together, but forever apart...' -some random

&

'I know what its like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.' - some movie

death?

death?
we all die,
no matter what.
no matter which path we walk
no matter what choices we make
no matter how good we are
no matter how bad we are
no matter how different we are
I envy the dead, no one is ever truly free until theyre dead.

its a shame we cant experience that kind of freedom in life.

'On a long enough timeline, the life expectancy of everyone drops to zero.' - some movie

love. pfftt hahaha

'Love is the most elusive thing in the world. It's harsher than the rain, warmer than the sun, colder than the wind, more beautiful than snow. It can make you feel the best you'll ever feel, or it can make you feel the worst. It plays games with people, cruel games. Love is the one thing everyone wants; it's the one thing not everyone has.' - some person

Total bullshit ofcourse, love doesnt exist.

Memories

memories are nice,
some memories are best forgotten...
but memories are just memories and thats all they will ever be...
pray to God that the future wont get any worse.

***

'Because we don't know when we'll die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.' - some movie

...

you could not understand the love found within,
a evil the likes of which you could never imagine.

if I cannot gratify 1, I will gladly indulge in the other...

fallen

they say its hard to stay mad when theres so much beauty in the world,
what happends if all u see is the darkside in things, in everything.
what happends if you go to hell everytime you close your eyes to sleep.
is this what defines insanity?
seeing things differently compared to 'normal things'.
insanity is defined as : relatively permanent disorder of the mind.

is there a way to fix this? to restore order to the mind?

how can anything help influence what the mind thinks. drug? alcohol? those seem to help, but only temporarily, your lost, dazed, confused, but in the end of it all, when u wake up sober, you return to the hell you thought you escaped, back to the reality of seeing nothing but darkness....


its been so long since ive been normal, i dont know who i am, all i can do is behave normal; laugh, crack jokes, pretend that nothings wrong when all thats ever in my head is how much i wish i could just fade away. help me? save me? if theres anything to save anymore....its so difficult to tell how much of your soul is left when your mind is in chaos...

?

'We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place. Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.' -from some movie

i wonder..

'Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers..... Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life..... But why would I want to do a thing like that?' - from somewhere

hmmm

where do u go when there is nowhere to go...
who do u turn to when theres nobody there...
the soul, the heart and the mind are the most vulnerable places in a man,
no matter how much you prepare yourself for whats to come, or no matter how much u protect yourself, there is no escaping pain....and pain comes in so many forms...

Thats why it is better to break a mans leg then his heart, better to tell the truth then give false hope...

and now i dont hope...hoping only leads to disapointement..
and now i dont feel....having emotions only means you'll hurt..

the only thing left is an empty shell which feels nothing, hopes for nothing.....dead....
thats is whats left for me to do....become an emotionless vessel...its the only way to keep my sanity...

PL=10/10 FL=10/10

'You and I drift further and further apart.
I had to do some things, do some things differently.
I made my heart harder, colder, stronger.
I stand before a door that will never open.
Still, I knock on it for eternity, and you will remain you.'

=S

mon- 3.46am (30/3/09)

why do i try, why do i bother, everything i do seems to be so pointless, so stupid....
theres no end to it, nothing is ever acknowledged...
is existance ever recognized..

PL=7/10 FL=4/10

fire, everywhere.
in a room.
no way out.
death is inevitable.
lungs start to fill with fire.
burning senation, pain beyond imagination.
the fire grows, hands burn, legs burn.
everything burnt, blind, nothing to use, nothing to see.
pain and suffering continue.
death hasnt arrived yet.
breathing, flames, lungs bursting.
death comes, sweet death.