--

there used to be a time where i would consider the things i did as experiencing life, but now, knowing the things i do, i know it was all lies.
ive wasted so much.
ive done so many wrongs.
i guess thats why im like this.
whats the point.
i guess people get what they deserve.

....

numb
red
dark red
slowly spilling
envy for the departed

distraction? pastime?

'an entertainment that provokes pleased interest and distracts you from worries and vexations.'

'a diversion that occupies one's time and thoughts.'

whats the difference.
both could be said about life.
life, the ultimate distraction, the ultimate pastime.
all, just to take peoples mind off the things that are really important.
how embaressing.