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'dusk is just an illusion, becuase the sun is either above the horizon or below it.
this means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time.
i wonder....how it feels to be always together, but forever apart...' -some random

&

'I know what its like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.' - some movie

death?

death?
we all die,
no matter what.
no matter which path we walk
no matter what choices we make
no matter how good we are
no matter how bad we are
no matter how different we are
I envy the dead, no one is ever truly free until theyre dead.

its a shame we cant experience that kind of freedom in life.

'On a long enough timeline, the life expectancy of everyone drops to zero.' - some movie

love. pfftt hahaha

'Love is the most elusive thing in the world. It's harsher than the rain, warmer than the sun, colder than the wind, more beautiful than snow. It can make you feel the best you'll ever feel, or it can make you feel the worst. It plays games with people, cruel games. Love is the one thing everyone wants; it's the one thing not everyone has.' - some person

Total bullshit ofcourse, love doesnt exist.

Memories

memories are nice,
some memories are best forgotten...
but memories are just memories and thats all they will ever be...
pray to God that the future wont get any worse.

***

'Because we don't know when we'll die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.' - some movie

...

you could not understand the love found within,
a evil the likes of which you could never imagine.

if I cannot gratify 1, I will gladly indulge in the other...

fallen

they say its hard to stay mad when theres so much beauty in the world,
what happends if all u see is the darkside in things, in everything.
what happends if you go to hell everytime you close your eyes to sleep.
is this what defines insanity?
seeing things differently compared to 'normal things'.
insanity is defined as : relatively permanent disorder of the mind.

is there a way to fix this? to restore order to the mind?

how can anything help influence what the mind thinks. drug? alcohol? those seem to help, but only temporarily, your lost, dazed, confused, but in the end of it all, when u wake up sober, you return to the hell you thought you escaped, back to the reality of seeing nothing but darkness....


its been so long since ive been normal, i dont know who i am, all i can do is behave normal; laugh, crack jokes, pretend that nothings wrong when all thats ever in my head is how much i wish i could just fade away. help me? save me? if theres anything to save anymore....its so difficult to tell how much of your soul is left when your mind is in chaos...

?

'We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place. Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.' -from some movie

i wonder..

'Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers..... Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life..... But why would I want to do a thing like that?' - from somewhere

hmmm

where do u go when there is nowhere to go...
who do u turn to when theres nobody there...
the soul, the heart and the mind are the most vulnerable places in a man,
no matter how much you prepare yourself for whats to come, or no matter how much u protect yourself, there is no escaping pain....and pain comes in so many forms...

Thats why it is better to break a mans leg then his heart, better to tell the truth then give false hope...

and now i dont hope...hoping only leads to disapointement..
and now i dont feel....having emotions only means you'll hurt..

the only thing left is an empty shell which feels nothing, hopes for nothing.....dead....
thats is whats left for me to do....become an emotionless vessel...its the only way to keep my sanity...